i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
