she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
