Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
two words...techno handjob
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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