While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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