I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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