On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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