In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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