Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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