It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
