There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
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she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
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Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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