Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
