God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
