soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
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Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
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How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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