we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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