you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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