Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
