yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
