I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He better not be in your backpack
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
