Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
