This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
