New invention idea: vibrating tampons
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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