Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
