I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
