Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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