thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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