Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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