I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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