Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
