the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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