Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
