Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
