sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
