UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
When are your genitals available?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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