Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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