Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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