Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
