Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
