what if every blade of grass was a penis?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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