Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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