Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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