On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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