She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
