I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
