Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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