no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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