They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
