sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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