I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
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i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
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most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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