the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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