My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
