he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
