She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
