Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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