I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
