I wannas sexs uuuuu
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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