I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
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Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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