I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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