every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize