I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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