take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
