My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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