shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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