I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
