Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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