there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
