I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
