If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
