i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
