my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
It's rum buckets o'clock
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You ruined the universe
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
