on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize