that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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