i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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