I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
