I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
